Normally, I stick to covering the intricacies and minutiae of Alaska-based television programs, specifically reality TV. It’s an oddly specific niche, and has made me barely more qualified than your average modern jackass to judge a good story.
Given that, I think I am qualified to say that had someone been making a character-driven docuseries about the 2022 Alaska At-Large Congressional race, they would be nominated for an Emmy.
Think about Netflix’s Formula 1: Drive to Survive or HBO’s Hard Knocks, but instead of following racing dynasties and football players, they were following Sarah Palin, Nick Begich III, and Representative Mary Peltola. (Postscript. I give negative shits about Formula 1 or the NFL, but these shows make me care.)
So, here is my fantasy narrative of the greatest docuseries that never was:
We fade into news reports that Congressman Don Young has passed away. There are interviews with longtime supporters, the Alaska political elites, the twitter #akleg famous and family members about Young’s legacy to set the context and the stakes of this election.
Then we dissolve to a river in Bethel. The camera pans to former state Representative Mary Peltola. Peltola is a young, vibrant, values-driven candidate from rural Alaska. She’s talking to her children about getting back into politics, this time making a run for Congress in a field nearing 50 candidates. They know it’s a long shot, but she’s got a real Ted Lasso-vibe, so it’s clear they’ll be a key part of this story even if they lose spectacularly.
Then, we cut to Nick Begich III, eating blueberry pancakes in a downtown Anchorage diner. A member of the political dynasty, but turning his back on the family to run on the other side of the aisle. His life seems normal, but unlike the other candidates, the fourth wall is broken. We hear the producers ask him of his upbringing, the political differences between him and his family, and his business publishing his dad’s conspiracy theory books. He takes more time than most to carefully craft his answers, making sure to stay as polished and on his talking points as possible.
Suddenly, a map of Alaska pops up with a tiny Alaska Airlines (sponsored, obvi) plane flying from Anchorage to Juneau where we meet Dr. Al Gross. “Bear Doctor” plays softly in the background, to the chagrin of just about everyone. He immediately tells a producer in a polished, confessional-style interview, about his commercial fishing career. He mentions buying a boat at a young age and being family friends with Jay Hammond. Then, he picks up the phone to call several of the people who helped on his 2020 Senate race. No one answers.
Finally, the moment we’ve been waiting for. We abruptly cut to Wasilla (or Arizona), where we meet Sarah Palin. She’s running around her giant house, spouting off catch phrases while frantically recording Cameo videos. Like Peltola, she’s talking to her children about if she should run. Unlike Peltola, she makes a call to her famous friends at Fox News to ask for their advice, reciting “drill, baby, drill” between calls.
As the special primary unfolds in early summer, a rich cast of side characters are introduced. A socialist Santa Claus, the Lord of the Roots, Tara Sweeney, and the rest. Specifically, we follow Mary as she is polling behind Claus, starting to doubt her plan. But when we get to primary day, we end up with the top four: Begich, Gross, Palin and Peltola.
In a sudden turn of events, something (or someone) mysteriously convinces (threatens) Al Gross to drop out of the race. He does his final interview, again with a melancholy instrumental version of Bear Doctor jingle playing in the background. It’s confirmed: The state’s first-ever Rank Choice Voting election will be a three-way race. The summer is full of debates and forums where Begich and Peltola travel to every corner of the state. Palin largely spends her time campaigning with Donald Trump, but the former president’s endorsement is enough to make her a formidable opponent.
An unlikely but beautiful friendship grows between Peltola and Palin that softens Palin and makes the audience like her way more than they thought was possible with their pre-documentary bias. The Republican Party (again, think of the side characters!) tries to convince their people to “rank the red” but political pettiness is on full display as Begich secures public endorsements from Palin’s ex-inlaws. Then in late August, as the second round tabulations are run, the unthinkable happens.
Fade again to a flurry of news reports from all over the country. The first-ever Alaska Native woman and second Democrat in 50 years is elected to Alaska’s lone Congressional seat. Twitter goes wild. Peltola becomes an overnight celebrity. We flashback to Peltola pondering in a boat on the Kuskokwim River, doubting herself while trailing Santa.
Of course, we are with Palin as she learns she will not be a member of the United States Congress. We see Begich recalibrate his strategy with the cast of kooky Republicans side characters we’ve come to love.
In the final two months before the regular election, Peltola learns how to be a member of Congress while spending a massive amount of time eating signature fruit and cheese plates on Alaskan Airlines (#ad).
Begich, once the front-runner who ultimately came in a distant third, gets attacked by the late Congressmen’s staffers, claiming he interned (in his 40s) in Young’s office to secure “inside” info. They say he planned to challenge Young the entire time. An absolutely fantastic old intern badge is flashed on screen at every possible moment.
Palin begins to realize that she needs to dig deeper into her base and leans into the Lauren BoehbertBoeberts of the world. She still won’t attack Peltola, but the friendship we grew to love is strained by the larger national political dysfunction between Republicans and Democrats as they participate in more forums and debates.
Peltola rakes in the money and endorsements. Begich and Palin try to convince their supporters to rank the other second in the name of hatred for Joe Biden’s inflation. They, both millionaires, complain about the price of gas. As we grow closer to the election Begich begins to seem a little fussy.
The pace gets frantic around election day as voters go to the polls. We interview regular Alaskans in a wintery scene on election day.
And then the unthinkable happens. More news reports. Bring back the political pundits to put the election results in perspective (and pretend they knew exactly what was going to happen on election day and the weeks following, when really they had no idea).
Cut to quiet winter scenes in Bethel, Wasilla and wherever Begich lives. We follow our three leads as they have Thanksgiving with their families and reflect on an intense seven months.
Fade to Black. Alaska Airlines logo one last time.
Emmy Please!
