If you’ve missed the over-acted, dialog-exhaustive, high-budget drama about Alaska, fear not. “Alaska Daily” is coming back this Thursday, March 2nd after a mid-season hiatus.
ICYMI, we are here to catch you up on everything you missed in those first six episodes.
At its core, “Alaska Daily” is a toxic workplace drama starring Hilary Swank’s bangs as they navigate being a fish-out-of-water covering the Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women (MMIW) crisis in Alaska. But much like my own abdominal core, “Alaska Daily” is padded with a lot of excess and one too many trips to Tolstoy’s Beard (the show’s version of Darwin’s Theory). Like in episode four, when former Daily Show correspondent Jason Jones is an organic cabbage farmer flirting with ecoterrorism because he hates cell phones.
Here’s your episode-by-episode breakdown:
Episode 1
Hilary Swank (and her bangs) move to Alaska after getting canceled from her Big Girl, Big City job for being a dick to her coworkers and a sloppy journalist. She arrives with a real chip on her shoulder because she’s obvi smarter than all the amateur kids (most of The Daily Alaskan staff is younger people of color ::Collar pull::) journalisming at The Daily Alaskan. Hilary learns about the MMIW crisis and she, an Outside white lady, is here to save the day with her sophistication and bullish ‘tude.
Episode 2
They are going to shut down a version of Gwenies, but one that maybe uses real cheese instead of “cheese sauce.” In the show, the restaurant is actually a beloved community staple and people are revolting against a chain restaurant coming in. This is the most unrealistic thing that happens in the entire show. Gimme a Chick-fil-A and let’s all just settle down.
Episode 3
Hilary Swank and her Alaska Native co-reporter go to the fictional Rural town of Mead where an Alaska Native woman was murdered two years prior and the police did nothing. Their journalisming goes so hard they get an old police dude fired because he was incompetent and MOST CERTAINLY a racist. Hilary Swank is also showing her previously canceled colors as a terrible coworker by CONSTANTLY doing things that her coworkers ask her not to do. Especially when it comes to taking the lead from her Alaska Native co-reporter in Rural Alaska.
Episode 4
The Daily Alaskan staff cover the state fair only to stop an ecoterrorism plot because the youngest reporter is trying to hit on the farmer’s homeschooled daughter. Also, Hilary Swank receives a bullet in the mail and gets some threatening phone calls telling her to go back to New York. But she gives zero fucks because Hilary Swank only cares about justice and journalisming.
Episode 5
The fancy military General that Hilary Swank has beef with from her previous “trip to cancel town” is in Alaska covering up a military plane crash. Instead of being a good coworker and assuming her colleagues are at all competent, Hilary’s bangs show up at a press conference to confront said General (with information given to a competent coworker by their family friend). Shit. Gets. Awkward. The Daily Alaskan needs a better HR department.
Episode 6
A white girl Instagram’s herself falling off a cruise ship and Governor Not-Dunleavy spends $1 million on the search and spends negative $1 million looking for a missing Native woman who disappears at the same time. The Daily Alaskan lays out the story so the dumbdumb public can understand institutionalized racism. Everyone is happy with their journalisming, especially Hilary because she has two men fighting over her (see below), and then, oh FUCK, someone walks into The Daily Alaskan office with a gun. Hilary says, “please god, don’t do this,” and we fade to black. That darkness has remained since November.
Oh and P.S. We forgot to mention that Hilary is in a love triangle between the owner of the paper who has some real daddy issues (see also: toxic workplace), and a poet that won an award from Governor Not-Dunleavy for writing a poem about a woman he had a one night stand with (Hilary and her bangs ::wink::).
To quote the nondescript General who led to Hilary Swank’s New York cancellation “The Daily Alaskan is a step above a high school yearbook,” and so is “Alaska Daily.” But you know what, high school yearbooks are usually filled with some hilarious quotes, some cringy moments that age poorly, and a lot of nostalgia… Just like “Alaska Daily.”
Therefore, I will be tuning in on Thursday to see just how much Hilary’s bangs can, and will, glorify tertiary market reporting.
