Well… the apps are just as I remembered.
Within a few weeks, I’ve swiped through most of the men in my age range and was even told by one guy that he’d like to “unzip my skin and wear me like a little coat.” I guess at least he called me small? I’ll try to see the positive on that one.
But seriously, it’s not great out there. I’ve seen so many damn Trump hats that I feel like I’m attending a rally. And for me, that’s a dealbreaker.
And if they’re not wearing a hat or blatantly declaring their political beliefs, it almost gets harder to weed through them.
I’m not super picky about looks – one of my friends recently described someone I’d previously dated as a “jump scare” because she thought he was so ugly. But I’d like a partner to be at least average looking and have all their teeth. And honestly, I once dated a guy who had fake, removable front teeth. He did eventually get permanent fake teeth put in, but needless to say – the teeth weren’t even a dealbreaker.
And I’m good with bald guys (as long as they’re secure with their own shiny heads), fine with short kings, and see no problem with a dad bod. But what I can’t look past is a shitty personality, misogyny, or voting against all of the values I believe in. And apparently that’s a lot to ask for in Anchorage.
Nevertheless, I have gone on a few dates since we last talked.
One suitor even made it to five dates! At first, things seemed really good. He was sweet, smart, surprisingly handsome, and he seemed to match my effort.
We went out to drinks, he made me dinner, we watched movies, talked for hours, and made out on his couch. His house was clean, he asked me questions (something that I’m consistently shocked not all men do), he liked my dog. All green flags. BUT, there’s a catch. He might not be in Anchorage long term.
And of course, right as things began to feel like they were developing – radio silence. He fully ghosted me.
Honestly, I’m not even mad about it. I expect so little from men (the bar is sincerely in hell) that until they prove to me that they should be trusted, I feel like I’m just waiting for them to do something fucked up.
And who am I to judge? I’ve definitely ghosted my fair share of men. Shit happens. We’re all out here just doing our best to navigate life. (And for the record, I’ve stopped ghosting in recent years. I’m growing, too.)
So, my would-be Prince Charming turned out to just be another Casper. And that’s ok.
I think it was good to put myself out there again. I do want to find a partner – it’s nice to snuggle up with someone after a long day, to have someone who I’m excited to introduce to my friends, and it’d be nice to feel like there’s just someone else in this all with me. It’s just been hard to find that person or feel like that could exist for me again.
I’m going on another first date next weekend – I’ll let you know how it goes.
